Duke's Geriatric Dozen

(A song by Dr. Duke)

The only herb I take; On every single day
Cel’ry lowers uric acid; And keeps the gout away.
The drug it costs a whole lot more The allopurinol
Cel’ry does it just as well, It really works, you all.
Feel them coming on, Bronchitis, colds and flus?
I’ll take echinacea The herb I always choose.
I also take the garlic, almost every day
The grandkids kinda shy away, AND keeps their germs away
I often memorize my lines; But sometimes I do not
That’s when I take my ginkgo But, YOU GOT IT, I forgot
Bilberries, blueberries, raisins, and grapes, the vine called Vitis
That’s where we get the raisins, To master maculitis
Travel is bedraggling; Airports such a mess!
That’s when I take my kava, To mellow down the stress
Zoloft is more often used, But old Saint John is best
Puts you in a better mood With fewer side effects.
Prostate glands will grow; When old age comes along
When I take saw palmetto; Don’t tinkle all night long.
Synthetic drugs they can disturb Your vital synergies
But hawthorn is a gentle herb To prevent the heart disease
Celebrex may have killed some men But not me, what me worry
With my arthritis kickin’ in; just up my dose of curry
Turmeric’s antiarthritic As it seems to displace;
Cyclooxygenase
And if you’re overliving There’s one herb you should choose
Milk thistle saves the liver; From the mushrooms and the booze.
Compression stockings, atrocities, gimme horsechestnut pills
To slow down varicosities; Better than drugs will
We often talk in alphabets, EPO and GLA
Will help to put to rest BPH and PMS
Been taking evening primrose; Two decades more or less
And almost everybody knows, I ain’t got PMS

FINAL EXAM (With Answers)
Whattaya take for gout? Celeryseed! For Flu? Echinacea! For High Cholesterol? Garlic! For the liver? Milk Thistle! For the memory? Ginkgo! For Arthritis? Turmeric! For CVI? Horsechestnut! For the heart? Hawthorn! For BPH? Saw Palmetto! For PMS? Evening Primrose! For stress? Kava! For Depression? St. Johnswort! For failing eyesight? Bilberry!